I loathe television networks.

I can no longer count on one hand how many times I have become invested in a television series and before it has had the opportunity to come to fruition the network has taken it off the air. Does this upset anyone else? Or am I simply alone in my hate mongering? The 4400, which as far as I am concerned, was the only show worth watching on USA, was canceled this past year. Jericho, the only show worth watching on CBS has vanished “Without a Trace” (Without a Trace is another show on CBS - I’m being facetious). Countless other shows, including gems such as Wonderfalls, Carnivale, and Dead Like Me, suffered similar fates. I find myself hesitating to become invested in new series’ because I fear their untimely end.

I believe its fair to say that watching a television show week in and week out is sort of like developing a personal relationship (i.e. friend or lover). I become invested in the characters, the drama, and the plot. So, it would follow that I would expect some sort of resolution to the problems that have developed because I have invested so much time and energy into caring. My Mother told me when I was younger that someone once advised her to “never go to bed mad.” I heeded this advice with much enthusiasm because I, for one, do not enjoy tossing and turning in my sleep at night. Moreover, I don’t want to dream about my problems. I’d rather have any other number of dreams, including the one in which I go on a shopping spree, then dream about a person I am fighting with. If I never go to bed mad all of my problems are (at least temporarily) resolved. This philosophy is what fuels my discontent with canceled television shows - because I have no choice in the matter. I have to go to bed mad because the problems that were presented in the canceled show were never resolved. Its like being dumped in a relationship. No, better yet, its like finding out your lover is having an affair with your best friend because you’ve been “replaced.” That’s what networks do. They replace your show with another one. Its really, really not fair. Such is life.

So, I find myself asking, why watch television at all? I am the one that has remained loyal over the years. I am the trusting, eager partner in this relationship and I keep getting screwed over and over again. I want to know, who should I direct my anger at? The network? Money? Reality television? There’s so many parties responsible! The networks want to make money so they keep shows which draw more viewers so they can make more money on commercial advertising or they replace scripted television with real crap to keep the cost of production low. AGGGGH! Really, we’re getting screwed by the networks in every possible way.

Over the past year I have become invested in October Road, Eli Stone, New Amsterdam, Lipstick Jungle, Moonlight, Pushing Daisies, Eureka, Reaper, Men in Trees, and Dexter. Half of these shows haven’t done well with audiences and so, will probably be canceled within the next year. I’m dreading the inevitable - the break-up. I imagine that its sort of like waiting for your parents to die. You don’t want it to happen, but suddenly, they’ve been diagnosed with cancer and you know the time you have left with them is diminishing every day. Of course, the death of a parent is entirely more heartbreaking, I’m sure. Still, I find that this waiting around for what I know to be inevitable is really cumbersome and it only serves to make me angry. It takes a heavy toll on the soul. Should I grieve about the loss of people I never knew and places I never visited? I don’t know. But, you can’t fight the human condition - which is to care about things that become a part of your life. Whether they are a part of my life virtually or in reality, I care.

Of course, you can expect a bunch of new shows slated for fall release - most of which we can assume will fail miserably. So, if you’re in to watching five to ten episodes and then having a steel plated door slapped in your face, by all means, go ahead and watch. Some people enjoy this sort of pain. But to all the money hungry television networks out there - you can bite me. There I said it. I’m breaking up with you in the only way I know how. I’m only watching your shows on my terms from now on. I won’t be watching your Fall releases until you indicate that you’re keeping the show long-term. So there suckers!